A Platform & Memoir
A physician's honest account of living and working with panic disorder — written for everyone who has ever had to hold it together while quietly falling apart.
To speak openly about what panic disorder actually feels like — from inside a career where silence was the norm and the stakes were someone else's life.
Everything on this site reflects my personal experience and perspective as a retired emergency physician. It is offered in the spirit of honesty and connection — not as medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment of any kind.
Panic disorder is a real, treatable medical condition. If you think you may be experiencing it, the most important thing you can do is speak with a qualified mental health professional or physician. What worked for me may not be what works for you, and your story deserves proper, personalized care.
My hope is that reading what I went through makes it easier for you to take that step.
— Scott Elberger, MD
Short pieces drawn from four decades of emergency medicine and a lifetime of managing anxiety. New essays added as they are written.
Canada, 1972. I was nineteen years old, soaked through, and on my knees in the mud. I had no idea what was wrong with me. What I know now is that it wasn't the last time.
A reflection on how the words "panic attack" carry weight differently for patients and physicians.
The paradox at the center of this memoir — and what it says about how anxiety actually works.
In 1972, before he had any name for what was happening, Scott Elberger experienced his first panic attack. He went on to spend four decades as a board-certified emergency physician on Long Island — treating patients in the most acute distress imaginable — while quietly managing his own.
Fear Itself is the account of how those two realities intersected, and the paradox at the heart of his career: the deafening urgency of the emergency room silenced the anxiety that stalked him everywhere else.
At once clinical and intimate, this memoir traces a physician from his college years through residency and forty years of practice — and finally to EMDR therapy at 43, where an inherited cycle of fear was at last interrupted.
The rooms that should have undone me were the only rooms where I felt calm. I spent forty years trying to understand why.
— Scott Elberger, MD
MD · MPH · Emergency Physician · Author
Scott Elberger practiced emergency medicine on Long Island for over forty years. He earned his MD from New York Medical College in 1977 and his MPH from the University of Massachusetts Amherst in 2005. He is board-certified in emergency medicine and has spent his career at the intersection of acute care and the lived experience of anxiety.
His work has been published in Emergency Medicine, the American Journal of Emergency Medicine, and the Annals of Emergency Medicine. He is now retired from practice and writing full-time.
He is married to Barbara, a psychiatric nurse practitioner, and has two children. Fear Itself is his first book.
These are organizations I respect and direct people toward. Listing them here is not a personal endorsement of any specific treatment, provider, or outcome. Please use your judgment and consult a professional about what is right for your situation.
Anxiety and Depression Association of America. Therapist finder, educational resources, and community support.
adaa.org →National Institute of Mental Health overview of panic disorder — symptoms, treatment, and current research.
nimh.nih.gov →Search by location, insurance, and specialty to find a licensed therapist who treats anxiety disorders.
psychologytoday.com →The EMDR International Association. Find certified EMDR therapists and learn about the therapy that helped me.
emdria.org →National Alliance on Mental Illness. Support groups, education programs, and a helpline: 1-800-950-6264.
nami.org →Free, confidential, 24/7 treatment referral service. Call 1-800-662-4357.
samhsa.gov →If you are in crisis right now: Call or text 988 to reach the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline. For medical emergencies, call 911 or go to your nearest emergency room. You do not have to be having suicidal thoughts to call 988 — they support anyone in emotional distress. 988lifeline.org →
The complete manuscript is available upon request. Query letter and proposal on file.